Becoming
bubbling up to the surface
a raw and bloody thing
struggling for birth and I
I have tried to ignore her
tried to preserve my moorings
tentatively balancing on idealisms
that slowly dissolve their façade
and I have been burdened by fear
and a hunger for serenity but she
has pricked at me softly steadily
growing more insistent and I teeter
back and forth from the soft warmth
a tainted numb bliss to the bright cold
shriek that promises a bolder freedom
but I don’t know if I’m ready for the
plunge the blind fall into embracelessness
and I don’t know how accurate it is this
discontentment how tainted it is by succulent
fantasies and I know that the choice is irreversible
that where I tread from there unsteady and heart pounding
he cannot follow
and the choice is selfish cold lustful guilt-ridden
brave bursting and wise
she is a dark mirror of what I must be
and I knew her my god I knew her long before her seduction
and I feel compelled to acquiesce
feel her rising
earthquaking and in spite of myself
I am becoming.